T-Mobile treads in big steaming ARPU

Rating: T-Mobiles graphs all go like this not like this.

by Tony Alton

I was slightly concerned when an ultra-muscly 12 ft tall super-being with breasts, a male appendage and 3 heads ripped through my wall and dropped off a package at my desk, before jumping on his bike and cycling out through a window.   After a brief moment of confusion it became clear that it was actually a member of the T-Mobile cycling team dropping off the quarterly results.   

Doping scandals aside the nework operator seems to be clinging in at the front of the pack, attracting 112m customers in the last quarter in total.  Customer numbers are swelling over in the US in particular with around 850,000 new customers and it is predicted that a great army will soon arise to begin the assault on the Sarin’s evil hordes. A T-Mobile source also told me off the record they reckon they could soon have Vodafone in a fight.  England just about beats Germany on penalties with a 5% revenue rise compared to a 2.5% loss. However, in summary, T-Mobile execs will be sleeping in a gold bed drinking champagne as opposed to the rest of us who will have to make do with IKEA and meths.   

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